I had the best visit to the dentist EVER yesterday.  I had taken a valium beforehand- for muscle spasm, mind you, not anxiety- I am not afraid of the dentist.  In fact, I rather enjoy going.  Since almost all my teeth already have fillings, there’s rarely any more bad news.

 

Anyway, they put me back in this wonderfully comfy chair and it was just like being asleep with my mouth open, except I started having these really awesome hallucinations!  (They were not dreams.  These drugs put me into the deepest of dreamless sleeps.)  There was an Asian girl standing in front of me, wearing the cutest t-shirt ever.  There were little brown snippets of hair all over the place like when I cut Jack’s hair (this didn’t gross me out.  It was just weird, and I like weird; this was a tactile hallucination, which is pretty cool!).   Then Sheba was standing on my right shoulder, with her nose by my ear (so comforting).  Then it was over.  They (back to boring reality here) told me my teeth look great despite two weeks of subsisting on the stale, sticky Nutri-Grain cereal bars (strawberry) that I had bought in an institutional-size box at Big Lots, and decided to hate halfway through.  (I hadn’t even been able to give them away at work.  Who turns down free food?)

 

Nothing like that has happened to me since I saw Bert and Ernie doing the jitterbug on a Greyhound bus at 3am- and that is why I never take Benedryl anymore.  I didn’t even trip when someone (surreptitiously) put a little paper square in my Mountain Dew at one long-ago summer music festival.  Bummer, hey?

 

(I feel like I need to add a “don’t try this at home” disclaimer: I seem to remember an old movie- I saw it in Spanish (El Dentiste) but I don’t remember if it was dubbed or really in Spanish or what.  It was about this evil dentist that gave women too much anesthesia and…well…bad things happened. ) I told you I have the gift of extra angelic protections, and also just a really great dentist, so just…I’ll leave it at that.