Every time I open up the microwave- every time, and I use it often- there is a particular small plate in there– conveniently left by Jack– containing incriminating hot-dog residue.  (He has a penchant for cheap, HFCS-containing, penis-shaped meat.  Whoever thought of this idea?)  I think that every cell in his entire body is made of hot dog molecules.  Could be worse, I guess.

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