I got this email about a week ago, from a male coworker, whom I’ll call “Dean”: “When are you going to help me find a woman? I’m looking for a real slut.”

 

      I have considered, in the past, formally complaining to HR about Dean, but have decided it is not worth the trouble. He’s about fifty years old, not tremendously unattractive, never married,  and probably mildly on the Autism spectrum somewhere. He has plenty of money and spends it on toys for himself. He just bought himself a motorcycle and talks about it incessantly. In fact, the walls in his small office area are covered with poster-sized photographs of himself with each of his vehicles; he is the only human being in any of these.  His conversations don’t start with any version of “Hi” or “How are you?” They start with “I rotated my tires today.” Or, “The rims I ordered on ebay came yesterday.”

 

     He didn’t like any of the helpful suggestions I had for meeting women, unfortunately- but being somewhere near or on “the spectrum” myself might have made me a poor choice as advisor (or a good one, depending on the day).

 

      But it did lead me to start thinking. I know a lot of single guys, all of which seem to be reasonable possible choices as a mate for any of the wide variety of women around. Barring sheer pickiness (and yes, we all make value judgments and choices); somehow, though, the number of single-and-unhappy men seems statistically greater than the number of similar women.  What is going on here? And, finally getting to my real point, why am I in almost the exact same situation, as a happily married heterosexual female? In other words, why don’t I have a Best Girlfriend?

 

      Everyone else seems to. You probably know what I’m talking about: the chica I could call when I want to see a girly movie. The one that comes over for margaritas on the veranda. The one that goes shopping with me and tells me which jeans make me look fat, without simultaneously making me feel unattractive. The one that I can complain to about whatever, and she’ll listen, and do the same. Is this some stereotype perpetuated on TV and in the movies? No, because I see it happening when I’m shopping alone, or in bars, or on the street, or in any number of public places. Girls, together, talking, laughing, stepping drunkly in front of my bicycle, doing whatever girls do when they’re together. Even online, for crying out loud, making cute girly Facebook comments to each other.

 

      So I’m stuck in sort of a vacuum. On the one hand, I could hang out with more guys, who are easier to meet, usually much more interesting, and have more free time, as they generally don’t have the responsibility of taking care of children- but, gee, what would Jack think about that?   Also, by definition, guys do not do Girl Stuff; in addition, I already have a husband to “not do Girl Stuff with”.  I do attempt to make friends with the interesting women with whom I am acquainted, but I get rebuffed just about every time. One reason, I think, is that females

tend to form impenetrably tight socialization groups.  This is only a theory.

 

      There is one woman I work with whom I have asked to do stuff with like seven times and every time she has said no, except once, never to be repeated. There’s a girl I know on Facebook, a friend of a (male) friend, who lives in town and whom I can tell has a lot on common with me, but…I probably flubbed parlaying that into a friendship when I tried to set her up with one of the many single guys I alluded to previously, a match that failed miserably– thus deeming my judgment– and even my character– suspect. To clarify, I do have female friends with whom I have deep friendships. They simply have all moved away and/or have small children, which I don’t and probably never will- creating an even wider rift. I need someone who lives in the same county, if not the same zip code.

 

     So I’m in essentially the same situation as Dean (minus, of course, the “slut” part): finding that elusive female, whether it’s for romance or a best friendship, seems an impossibility. She may exist only in fantasy. Or I myself may be just too picky- do any of you have insight into this?

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